Contemplative.

I'm not entirely sure when the switch happened, but I think I'm finally okay with the way my life is going right now. I've had a couple of decent dates in the last few weeks or so and I guess I'm feeling pretty confident right about now. The current state of my heart is: beating. I finally got through the part where I felt like I didn't have one at all... I welcome its return. Maybe now I can actually trust someone with it...

My artwork is starting to get better, maybe because I'm taking my time a little more and actually focusing? I am finally to that point where I can set something down if I can't get anywhere with it, whereas before I was always so concerned with COMPLETING an art project the first time I sit down with it. Finally got it through my head that things take time if you want them to look good.

I've also been getting in some quality time with my hula hoop. :) She is so wonderful, but as of yet doesn't have a name. It's strange to spend so much time with an inanimate object without a name, I name everything, haha. We'll see what she ends up with.

My appeal is finally going through, which means I'm going to be getting a lump sum of money... and possibly fix my car! And get my fixed gear bike finally. I have enough to do it now, but I'd much rather wait until I have some extra $ as well, so I can customize it and make it mine. I've decided on using all 3 of my favorite colors on it (brown, green, yellow). This lump sum also means that Kim, Machine and I can get a bigger apartment which = me having a real bedroom, my OWN bedroom, which is fantastical. It's been so long since I've had a bedroom of my own. The last one I had I shared with my last girlfriend. Ugh. That situation was stupid too, because I moved into the room that I was renting from a friend and she spent the night the first 2 nights I was there..... and then never... left... it was interesting to deal with. I think that's why I decided the next girlfriend I have (whenever that happens) I will NOT be living with, at least not for a looooong while. I've lived with all 4 girlfriends I've had previously... and those relationships obviously didn't work out. So I'm going to try something new... whenever I am finally ready to have another girlfriend, haha ((can you tell I'm not ready since I keep mentioning this part?))

Happiness is within my grasp these days. I feel good about almost everything. It's been so long since I felt like this... it's wonderful and scary as hell at the same time, because I don't want it to go away... Thankfully this time, the only person who can take my happiness away is me.